Mr. Perfect

I haven’t really dated anyone worth blogging about until my perfect man dumped me on Friday night. To cope with my frustration I worked out a bunch this weekend, but I am still pissed. So I thought blogging about it would help me get my feelings off my chest. Last time it was very therapeutic for me, so I’m hoping it is again. I’m not sure this story will be as funny, but I am hoping to make it as light and fun as I can, while also letting out my anger a bit.  So, why am I pissed you may ask? I’m pissed at him for making me think everything was good and great with us, when I guess it wasn’t, but I’m more pissed at myself for allowing my heart to open enough to be hurt by him. I’m not saying he broke my heart or anything, we only dated for like 3.5 weeks, so I wasn’t like in love or anything, BUT I did start to allow myself to think that we could have a future. He was everything I have been looking for. In my vast experience of dating (about 13-14 years) I can honestly say that I have never dated a guy as good and as kind as him. So I’m preparing myself to have to wait another decade to find someone like him again because they just don’t seem to exist anymore…at least not in a state of single-dom. He was kind, respectful, fun, a total gentleman, a planner (woot woot!!), educated, had a real adult job and loved being in the outdoors. The only bad thing I could find was that he is not a Harry Potter fan. Seriously though, I almost stopped dating him because of that. I mean who doesn’t like or has not read Harry Potter?!?! (Besides my stubborn nephew who is only 10 and is missing out on life.) So this is the story of the whirlwind adventure of me and Mr. Perfect. (minus his dislike of Harry Potter)

I met Mr. Perfect 4 weeks ago today. We first met on LDS Planet, messaged a few times and decided to meet up for Jamba Juice. I call these “Meet and Greets”. It’s a nice, casual way to meet someone and just see if you hit it off. No commitment or pressure for a second date, the cost is low and you can easily escape if needed. (No one wants to know within 10 mins that you would never date a person, but then have to sit through an entire dinner with them…this has happened a few times to me. Lesson learned) We got along really well. He asked a LOT of questions, which helped the conversation flow. He seemed like a put together guy, almost like a real life grownup with a real adult job, which I really liked. (yes, real adult guys that are still single are VERY hard to come by) At the end of the date he asked me if I would go to the archery range with him on Saturday (which I was very excited about by the way. What a cool date idea.) and so we made plans. He didn’t really text me much that week, which was weird, but also kind of nice. You may be asking – Christi, how can it be weird and nice all at the same time? Well I’m weird and nice…so there’s that. But let me explain further…

I talked about this a bit in my last blog, but in this world of texting and social media and online dating, communication has become terrible and super annoying. Most guys I go out with like to text ALL DAY LONG, which I do not like. I mean, how does one respond to “Hey” or “what’s up”? I also feel like texting is creating bad habits of poor communication in a relationship. Especially when they text you all day long, but they don’t have as much to say to you in person. I’ve even had guys text me things like “am I annoying you?” or “Hello? Are you still there?” because I did not respond to them fast enough. I have a rule not to be on my phone when I am with other people. (Which I obey like 99% of the time. Most of the time my phone is in my purse and I don’t even look at it until I leave) So if I’m not texting back then I’m probably busy! (duh!) Nothing annoys me more than to be with a friend that seems to not want to be with you because they are on snapchat or taking selfies of themselves or texting someone else or looking around on Instagram. Come on people, have some respect for others and be with those you are with. Put your phone away and live in the moment!! *drops mic and steps off soap box*

Anyway, so I think we only texted like once before our weekend date, which was confusing to me because of how guys normally are, but I also liked not having to constantly be responding to someone. So we went out on our second date and it was awesome. Awesome enough that he wanted to see me the next day. For the first 2 weeks we saw each other 3 times a week. What made this guy awesome is that he always had really good, simple date ideas. For one date we made dinner together and then we read a book to each other. It was adorable. Another date we went on a hike and watched the sunset. Also adorable. (Although that one was my idea because I am awesome and adorable too) What made this guy even more awesome is that he didn’t ever kiss me. (on the lips…he did kiss me on the cheek which is again, adorable) He was a gentleman and took the time to get to know me and not just make out with me, which is the new dating trend….something I have experienced with every guy I have dated over the past 5 years or so. They usually kiss you on the first or second date and then all they ever want to do is watch Netflix for dates. Uh, guys, I know what that means. I’m not stupid. I know that when you want to watch Netflix or a movie that all you want to do is make out. I’m so done with Netflix and chill. I loved that I was going out with a guy who had great ideas of what we could do so that we could talk and get to know each other. I also felt really respected, which to be honest I have not felt in many, many years. (sad but true) This guy was seriously raising the bar and now I’m afraid the bar will just come crashing down when I start dating again and remember that there are only sleaze balls left. (the last guy I dated kissed me on the second date and then even though I tried to get us to go out and do things, he would just make out with me in public. I couldn’t get him to really talk to me much or get to know me because he was always sticking his tongue down my throat. After our third date he texted me after and said “did we talk enough?” If you have to ask then the answer is probably no! I only went on like 4 dates with that guy)

I do need to insert a little nugget of knowledge here for you, as this may pertain to the reason he dumped me. On our 3rd date he asked me what the hardest thing is that I have ever gone through, which for me is really easy to think of. You don’t go through something like what I have been through and forget about it or have it not come to mind on a daily basis, especially when someone asks you a question like that. It’s a heavy thing and a story I don’t share lightly. So I will not be sharing it on this blog, but I will say with confidence that it is probably one of the hardest things that someone could go through in this life. I told him I was not ready to answer that question, but after he shared his hardest thing with me I thought, “Well he’ll find out sooner or later anyway. Plus, he confided in me his hardest thing and that takes vulnerability and courage.” So I shared some of my story and I was shocked at how well he handled it. He even asked me out again, so I thought that maybe it wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be. (more on this later)

In the 3rd week I got to meet some of his friends because we went rock climbing together. I have never climbed outside, so I was super nervous, but I had a blast and did really well. (if I say so myself) I would totally go do that again. If I could give one word to describe me and Mr. Perfect together it would be fun. We had SO much fun together. There was always a lot of laughter and lots of talking. I really felt like he cared about me as a person. I started to get a bit nervous because he seemed to be getting busier. His online dating profile said that he didn’t like busy girls, which I thought was weird because I would consider him a busy guy. (I even jokingly said to him later that “for a guy who doesn’t like busy girls, you are a busy girl.” Haha. #thisiswhyimsingle) He likes to go canyoneering and such, so a lot of his weekends were trips to do that, but he still fit me in, so I kept telling myself that everything was fine and that I have not dated him long enough to feel that I was entitled to a specific amount of his time every week. I would just take whatever he wanted to give me. It was our 4th week, this last week, that was the weirdest when it came to his busy-ness and definitely made sense after the dumping. (I really like using the word “dumped” because it sounds so dramatic and I’m nothing if not dramatic)

Our last date was on Tuesday last week. The date started out with him asking me a bunch of REALLY personal questions about my past relationships. I answered all his questions with honestly, even though he may not have liked the answers. After that, he turned it around from being super serious to being the most fun I have had with him. He took me to see a few waterfalls that are just a short jaunt from the canyon roads. The best part is that it was pouring rain. We could have easily change our plans, but we didn’t and it turned into a really fun adventure. I loved it. He took a bunch of pictures of us, even ones of him kissing me on the cheek and neck. He even had a stranger take some pics of us and he again kissed me on the cheek in some of those pics. After that we went back to my place and cuddled on the couch and just chatted for a bit. Then as we were saying goodbye he told me that he was really busy the rest of the week and that he also had another trip this weekend, so he couldn’t see me until Monday. After how much fun we had just had I was surprised that he was SO busy that he couldn’t fit me in for another 6 days. (this is when I made the busy girl comment, which still makes me laugh. Guys, I am seriously funny) So I agreed that Monday was fine. I mean, what can you do? If he wants to see me, he would make time for me.

The next day, after work, he was texting me just to banter a bit. I had teased him awhile back that he was not good at texting banter and he told me on Wednesday that he was working on it. (again a little banter is fine, but all day texting is not) Everything seemed so great. On Friday I had taken the day off work to go on a bunch of hikes for my 52 hike challenge, so I texted him a few pics of me during work and he responded as normal. He then called me after work, which was a nice surprise. We chatted a bit about our days and he told me that his trip was cancelled, so I thought he was calling to ask me out for the weekend. That was when he said “so I think we should take a break.” I literally said, “REALLY?? Why?” I was so shocked that he was saying this, because I thought we were closer to being exclusive than to breaking up. So he told me that the reason was two-fold. (he did not use those words, but I want to sounds fancy and grownup) 1. He had been dating a few other girls and wanted to narrow it down to one and 2. That he didn’t think we would be good together long term.

I honestly did not know what to say. So I told him that I disagreed with that last part. I thought we were great together. He then told me that he could call me if things didn’t work out (meaning with the girl he had chosen) and I told him that I didn’t want to be someone’s second choice. PLUS, if he didn’t think things would workout long term with us, then why would he want to call me? So that he can have more fun with me knowing it wouldn’t go anywhere? Also, why would it not work out? I have so many questions that I want to ask him. Mostly because I NEED closure and I don’t feel like I got it. I felt like he was all in one day and then all out the next. Maybe he didn’t like the things I told him about my past? To that I say, grow up and get over it! My past choices have nothing to do with anyone but me and God. So get to know the person standing in front of you, not the person they were yesterday. Don’t be so judgey! Or maybe he really did meet another girl and decided that he liked her better than me and it has nothing to do with the things I told him. He told me like 2 weeks ago that he wasn’t currently dating anyone else, so if he did meet someone else, then he hasn’t been dating her for very long. I don’t want this blog to be the bitter rantings of a spinster (that really should have been the name of my blog because that is awesome!) but I’m still really pissed.

I think one of the hardest things about this is that normally I’m the one in control. I’m the one that ends like 99% of my relationships, so when I walk away I’m prepared and I’m over the person…or I’m at least ready to move on. To be all in with a guy and then have him walk away first is not something I am used to and I don’t like it. I don’t like not having the control, so I’m mad at myself for giving him the control. As I look back I really feel like that’s what I did. I knew I liked him, so I put the future of our relationship fully in his hands and I don’t think that was very smart of me. I want to be myself in a relationship and not play games, but at the same time I can’t give everything over to the guy because then he will go and screw it up and leave me with nothing. (sorry, but this is true in so many ways) I also need to be a little more careful in the future to not allow myself to fall for someone so quickly. Although, if you don’t open your heart then you can’t ever know if it’s really going to work out….so really, it’s a double edged sword. You either risk getting hurt or risk never falling in love. Which is worse?


Lessons I have learned from dating Mr. Perfect:

1. No matter how a guy acts or treats you, you never know if he actually likes you or not. Even if all the signs say that he does, and maybe he really does, he can change his mind in the blink of an eye. So fast you don’t even know it’s coming.

2. Nice guys are out there, but you have to look REALLY hard.

3. I am worth more than a good make out session. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a really good kisser, but I have more to offer than just that.

4. There are a lot of free, simple things you can do on dates to spend time together and get to know each other, you just have to get creative.

5. Guys that just want to make out are lame and are just using you. If they liked you, they would spend more time getting to know you. (you would think this one would be obvious, but you clearly have not dated enough)

6. Be grateful for the guys that let you go because they don’t deserve you anyway. (BAM! I am awesome and deserve someone who knows that!)

(added later)
7. Don't trust anyone that does not love Harry Potter!

Happy Dating Everyone!