Mr. Perfect

I haven’t really dated anyone worth blogging about until my perfect man dumped me on Friday night. To cope with my frustration I worked out a bunch this weekend, but I am still pissed. So I thought blogging about it would help me get my feelings off my chest. Last time it was very therapeutic for me, so I’m hoping it is again. I’m not sure this story will be as funny, but I am hoping to make it as light and fun as I can, while also letting out my anger a bit.  So, why am I pissed you may ask? I’m pissed at him for making me think everything was good and great with us, when I guess it wasn’t, but I’m more pissed at myself for allowing my heart to open enough to be hurt by him. I’m not saying he broke my heart or anything, we only dated for like 3.5 weeks, so I wasn’t like in love or anything, BUT I did start to allow myself to think that we could have a future. He was everything I have been looking for. In my vast experience of dating (about 13-14 years) I can honestly say that I have never dated a guy as good and as kind as him. So I’m preparing myself to have to wait another decade to find someone like him again because they just don’t seem to exist anymore…at least not in a state of single-dom. He was kind, respectful, fun, a total gentleman, a planner (woot woot!!), educated, had a real adult job and loved being in the outdoors. The only bad thing I could find was that he is not a Harry Potter fan. Seriously though, I almost stopped dating him because of that. I mean who doesn’t like or has not read Harry Potter?!?! (Besides my stubborn nephew who is only 10 and is missing out on life.) So this is the story of the whirlwind adventure of me and Mr. Perfect. (minus his dislike of Harry Potter)

I met Mr. Perfect 4 weeks ago today. We first met on LDS Planet, messaged a few times and decided to meet up for Jamba Juice. I call these “Meet and Greets”. It’s a nice, casual way to meet someone and just see if you hit it off. No commitment or pressure for a second date, the cost is low and you can easily escape if needed. (No one wants to know within 10 mins that you would never date a person, but then have to sit through an entire dinner with them…this has happened a few times to me. Lesson learned) We got along really well. He asked a LOT of questions, which helped the conversation flow. He seemed like a put together guy, almost like a real life grownup with a real adult job, which I really liked. (yes, real adult guys that are still single are VERY hard to come by) At the end of the date he asked me if I would go to the archery range with him on Saturday (which I was very excited about by the way. What a cool date idea.) and so we made plans. He didn’t really text me much that week, which was weird, but also kind of nice. You may be asking – Christi, how can it be weird and nice all at the same time? Well I’m weird and nice…so there’s that. But let me explain further…

I talked about this a bit in my last blog, but in this world of texting and social media and online dating, communication has become terrible and super annoying. Most guys I go out with like to text ALL DAY LONG, which I do not like. I mean, how does one respond to “Hey” or “what’s up”? I also feel like texting is creating bad habits of poor communication in a relationship. Especially when they text you all day long, but they don’t have as much to say to you in person. I’ve even had guys text me things like “am I annoying you?” or “Hello? Are you still there?” because I did not respond to them fast enough. I have a rule not to be on my phone when I am with other people. (Which I obey like 99% of the time. Most of the time my phone is in my purse and I don’t even look at it until I leave) So if I’m not texting back then I’m probably busy! (duh!) Nothing annoys me more than to be with a friend that seems to not want to be with you because they are on snapchat or taking selfies of themselves or texting someone else or looking around on Instagram. Come on people, have some respect for others and be with those you are with. Put your phone away and live in the moment!! *drops mic and steps off soap box*

Anyway, so I think we only texted like once before our weekend date, which was confusing to me because of how guys normally are, but I also liked not having to constantly be responding to someone. So we went out on our second date and it was awesome. Awesome enough that he wanted to see me the next day. For the first 2 weeks we saw each other 3 times a week. What made this guy awesome is that he always had really good, simple date ideas. For one date we made dinner together and then we read a book to each other. It was adorable. Another date we went on a hike and watched the sunset. Also adorable. (Although that one was my idea because I am awesome and adorable too) What made this guy even more awesome is that he didn’t ever kiss me. (on the lips…he did kiss me on the cheek which is again, adorable) He was a gentleman and took the time to get to know me and not just make out with me, which is the new dating trend….something I have experienced with every guy I have dated over the past 5 years or so. They usually kiss you on the first or second date and then all they ever want to do is watch Netflix for dates. Uh, guys, I know what that means. I’m not stupid. I know that when you want to watch Netflix or a movie that all you want to do is make out. I’m so done with Netflix and chill. I loved that I was going out with a guy who had great ideas of what we could do so that we could talk and get to know each other. I also felt really respected, which to be honest I have not felt in many, many years. (sad but true) This guy was seriously raising the bar and now I’m afraid the bar will just come crashing down when I start dating again and remember that there are only sleaze balls left. (the last guy I dated kissed me on the second date and then even though I tried to get us to go out and do things, he would just make out with me in public. I couldn’t get him to really talk to me much or get to know me because he was always sticking his tongue down my throat. After our third date he texted me after and said “did we talk enough?” If you have to ask then the answer is probably no! I only went on like 4 dates with that guy)

I do need to insert a little nugget of knowledge here for you, as this may pertain to the reason he dumped me. On our 3rd date he asked me what the hardest thing is that I have ever gone through, which for me is really easy to think of. You don’t go through something like what I have been through and forget about it or have it not come to mind on a daily basis, especially when someone asks you a question like that. It’s a heavy thing and a story I don’t share lightly. So I will not be sharing it on this blog, but I will say with confidence that it is probably one of the hardest things that someone could go through in this life. I told him I was not ready to answer that question, but after he shared his hardest thing with me I thought, “Well he’ll find out sooner or later anyway. Plus, he confided in me his hardest thing and that takes vulnerability and courage.” So I shared some of my story and I was shocked at how well he handled it. He even asked me out again, so I thought that maybe it wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be. (more on this later)

In the 3rd week I got to meet some of his friends because we went rock climbing together. I have never climbed outside, so I was super nervous, but I had a blast and did really well. (if I say so myself) I would totally go do that again. If I could give one word to describe me and Mr. Perfect together it would be fun. We had SO much fun together. There was always a lot of laughter and lots of talking. I really felt like he cared about me as a person. I started to get a bit nervous because he seemed to be getting busier. His online dating profile said that he didn’t like busy girls, which I thought was weird because I would consider him a busy guy. (I even jokingly said to him later that “for a guy who doesn’t like busy girls, you are a busy girl.” Haha. #thisiswhyimsingle) He likes to go canyoneering and such, so a lot of his weekends were trips to do that, but he still fit me in, so I kept telling myself that everything was fine and that I have not dated him long enough to feel that I was entitled to a specific amount of his time every week. I would just take whatever he wanted to give me. It was our 4th week, this last week, that was the weirdest when it came to his busy-ness and definitely made sense after the dumping. (I really like using the word “dumped” because it sounds so dramatic and I’m nothing if not dramatic)

Our last date was on Tuesday last week. The date started out with him asking me a bunch of REALLY personal questions about my past relationships. I answered all his questions with honestly, even though he may not have liked the answers. After that, he turned it around from being super serious to being the most fun I have had with him. He took me to see a few waterfalls that are just a short jaunt from the canyon roads. The best part is that it was pouring rain. We could have easily change our plans, but we didn’t and it turned into a really fun adventure. I loved it. He took a bunch of pictures of us, even ones of him kissing me on the cheek and neck. He even had a stranger take some pics of us and he again kissed me on the cheek in some of those pics. After that we went back to my place and cuddled on the couch and just chatted for a bit. Then as we were saying goodbye he told me that he was really busy the rest of the week and that he also had another trip this weekend, so he couldn’t see me until Monday. After how much fun we had just had I was surprised that he was SO busy that he couldn’t fit me in for another 6 days. (this is when I made the busy girl comment, which still makes me laugh. Guys, I am seriously funny) So I agreed that Monday was fine. I mean, what can you do? If he wants to see me, he would make time for me.

The next day, after work, he was texting me just to banter a bit. I had teased him awhile back that he was not good at texting banter and he told me on Wednesday that he was working on it. (again a little banter is fine, but all day texting is not) Everything seemed so great. On Friday I had taken the day off work to go on a bunch of hikes for my 52 hike challenge, so I texted him a few pics of me during work and he responded as normal. He then called me after work, which was a nice surprise. We chatted a bit about our days and he told me that his trip was cancelled, so I thought he was calling to ask me out for the weekend. That was when he said “so I think we should take a break.” I literally said, “REALLY?? Why?” I was so shocked that he was saying this, because I thought we were closer to being exclusive than to breaking up. So he told me that the reason was two-fold. (he did not use those words, but I want to sounds fancy and grownup) 1. He had been dating a few other girls and wanted to narrow it down to one and 2. That he didn’t think we would be good together long term.

I honestly did not know what to say. So I told him that I disagreed with that last part. I thought we were great together. He then told me that he could call me if things didn’t work out (meaning with the girl he had chosen) and I told him that I didn’t want to be someone’s second choice. PLUS, if he didn’t think things would workout long term with us, then why would he want to call me? So that he can have more fun with me knowing it wouldn’t go anywhere? Also, why would it not work out? I have so many questions that I want to ask him. Mostly because I NEED closure and I don’t feel like I got it. I felt like he was all in one day and then all out the next. Maybe he didn’t like the things I told him about my past? To that I say, grow up and get over it! My past choices have nothing to do with anyone but me and God. So get to know the person standing in front of you, not the person they were yesterday. Don’t be so judgey! Or maybe he really did meet another girl and decided that he liked her better than me and it has nothing to do with the things I told him. He told me like 2 weeks ago that he wasn’t currently dating anyone else, so if he did meet someone else, then he hasn’t been dating her for very long. I don’t want this blog to be the bitter rantings of a spinster (that really should have been the name of my blog because that is awesome!) but I’m still really pissed.

I think one of the hardest things about this is that normally I’m the one in control. I’m the one that ends like 99% of my relationships, so when I walk away I’m prepared and I’m over the person…or I’m at least ready to move on. To be all in with a guy and then have him walk away first is not something I am used to and I don’t like it. I don’t like not having the control, so I’m mad at myself for giving him the control. As I look back I really feel like that’s what I did. I knew I liked him, so I put the future of our relationship fully in his hands and I don’t think that was very smart of me. I want to be myself in a relationship and not play games, but at the same time I can’t give everything over to the guy because then he will go and screw it up and leave me with nothing. (sorry, but this is true in so many ways) I also need to be a little more careful in the future to not allow myself to fall for someone so quickly. Although, if you don’t open your heart then you can’t ever know if it’s really going to work out….so really, it’s a double edged sword. You either risk getting hurt or risk never falling in love. Which is worse?


Lessons I have learned from dating Mr. Perfect:

1. No matter how a guy acts or treats you, you never know if he actually likes you or not. Even if all the signs say that he does, and maybe he really does, he can change his mind in the blink of an eye. So fast you don’t even know it’s coming.

2. Nice guys are out there, but you have to look REALLY hard.

3. I am worth more than a good make out session. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a really good kisser, but I have more to offer than just that.

4. There are a lot of free, simple things you can do on dates to spend time together and get to know each other, you just have to get creative.

5. Guys that just want to make out are lame and are just using you. If they liked you, they would spend more time getting to know you. (you would think this one would be obvious, but you clearly have not dated enough)

6. Be grateful for the guys that let you go because they don’t deserve you anyway. (BAM! I am awesome and deserve someone who knows that!)

(added later)
7. Don't trust anyone that does not love Harry Potter!

Happy Dating Everyone!

Dumb Guy

So I met dumb guy like 8 months ago. We met on Tinder. I know what you are thinking, “seriously Christi? Tinder? No wonder it didn’t work out”. Well just hear me out. Not EVERYONE on Tinder is looking to hook up….just most of them. He seemed legit. So we went out to dinner and it was great. He was cute, funny, a little shy, and could carry on a conversation all on his own!! (that’s a big deal…am I right girls?) It was going so well that he invited me to come over and watch a movie at his place after. We laughed and chatted and watched the movie; it was fun! (and NO, we did not hookup. I’m not a hookup kind of girl) So we kind of started dating. He worked a crazy schedule so he was mostly only available on his 2 days off a week. So the first, I don’t know, 2 or 3 weeks we hung out for a few hours on each of his days off. And can I just say that he was the one that kept making those plans with me? It wasn’t me asking to see him the next day all the time. So, all of a sudden he tells me that things are moving “too fast” for him and he wants to “slow down” and I was thinking “DUDE! You are the one that kept making the plans….YOU moved us too fast.” I mean, I was fine with the speed, but that’s because I like to see a guy I’m dating a few times a week. It’s not like it was every day.

So anyway, he kept texting me every day, pretty much all day long, but kept making excuses for why he couldn’t see me. This went on for a month. That’s right, A WHOLE MONTH. Everyday texting, but no visual contact of any kind. I’m sorry, but I HATE texting all day. I use texts to contact someone for something really quick, like “Hey Teri, we going running tomorrow?” or “What time were we going to meet for that movie?” or “Don’t forget to bring ice cream on Friday night!” (a night is not complete without ice cream, let’s be real) I don’t like when people text me to be like “hey! How are you??” Uuuuh, why don’t you pick up the stupid phone and call me? Sorry….I’m getting off track. So yeah, he texted me daily for a month, but never wanted to make official plans. To say the least I was getting annoyed. So I finally tried to end things with him. I mean, was there really anything to end? You’re not actually dating someone if you aren’t going on dates. But he didn’t want it to end, so he finally made plans with me. YEAH!

We were texting in the morning, one day, about what we were going to do that evening and we had decided to meet at my place for a movie. (hey guys….girls don’t want to just watch movies all the time. We like to be TAKEN OUT every once in a while) So I texted him around lunch time and just said, “hey, let me know what time you are coming over so that I’m ready”. The hours passed and no response. I’m talking hours…like 5 hours. I got home from work after 5 and still had no idea when he was coming. It was after 6 when I finally texted him again and still no response. After 7 I called him….I called him like 3 times over an hour. (mind you, this was his day off, so it’s not like he was stuck at work and couldn’t respond to me) so, like the crazy angry girl that I was…I went to his house to punch him in his face (this is me being sarcastic again…well mostly) and he either wasn’t home or didn’t answer because of this crazy B at his door. So, being the strong powerfully independent woman that I am, I blocked and deleted his number from my phone so that he couldn’t contact me and I couldn’t contact him….hey, I have weaknesses too! I was really frustrated for a while because I enjoy and need closure and I didn’t get it with him. I would really love a guy to just be completely honest and say “YOU’RE NOT THE ONE!!” or “I hate you you dirty whore!” than to just disappear and not know why they walked away. There are billions of people on this planet. I’m not going to be mad if someone breaks up with me because they have changed their mind or decided they don’t like me. The odds are against us anyway. There are just too many people in the world and too small of a percentage of people you could actually work with. It’s ok…just tell it to me straight!

Ok, back to me and dumb guy….I thought it was over. And I actually forgot all about him till last Monday when he started following me on Instagram! WHAAAAT?? How did he even find me? So he sent me a message and I couldn’t help but reply. Mostly I was just curious what he had to say for himself. (and let’s be honest...this is exactly why I blocked his number. He has blue eyes for days and is a really good kisser) He apologized for being dumb (so really he came up with his nickname) and asked if he could take me out. He said that he “had a lot of making up to do”. Well yeah, ya think? So I agreed to a date. He suggested Saturday and I said I was free until about 3, so we agreed upon lunch. He also said that if things go well on Saturday that maybe we could watch a movie on Sunday. I told him that we would just have to see. I didn’t really trust him yet and needed to just see how I felt. This was Tuesday. So he, again, texted me all week long. Everyday. I tried to be less responsive, so it wasn’t all day, but it was still a lot. So cut to Thursday night. I texted him asking if we can do lunch at like 1. This is how the conversation goes:

Me: So what time do you want to do lunch on Saturday. I was thinking like 1?
DG: I won’t actually be free until later
Me: I have plans at 4
DG: After?
Me: I thought we decided on lunch? My plans go all night.
DG: I have some plans at 2
Me: Ha then why did we decide on lunch?
DG: I guess my idea of lunch is later. Sorry

In his defense he works from like 1-10pm, so he eats lunch way later in the day than a normal person, BUT I had told him earlier in the week that I was free until 3pm and he agreed that lunch would work. SERIOUSLY? Why can’t guys ever plan anything? We are all adults. So adult it up! Invest in a calendar…oh wait, you have a phone with a calendar function….USE IT! I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t seem to make simple plans for lunch with someone. Anyway, I ended up seeing him at like 9pm on Saturday (I know, romantic) and we chatted it up for a few hours at my place. He seemed to be the same, but also really sorry for being such a douche oh so many months ago. I probably shouldn’t have, but we did make out because it’s been awhile since I made out and I do still have feelings for him, plus didn’t I also already say that he was a good kisser?? (I know, this is probably all my fault)
Ok, I have to back track for a sec. I mentioned earlier that he had wanted to watch a movie on Sunday if things went well on Saturday. He had also mentioned it during this last week and even on Saturday night, but in grand dumb guy style, he didn’t give me a time. So I woke up this morning (Sunday), went to church, came home and made lunch. I then started planning my meals for this week and netflixing to my hearts content. Dinner time came and I decided to grill up some burgers (whole30 for the win) and still did not hear from him. So I texted him around 5:30….

Me: Hey, did you still want to watch a movie today? Just wanted to check since we didn’t make any definite plans.
DG: Was just thinking of you. I am at dinner with my family currently.

That’s it. Did you notice that he didn’t even answer my question? So here we are at 10:15pm and he still has not texted me about this so called movie. I am so done. I am a HUGE planner and I understand that not everyone is that way. I have to chill out sometimes and reign that in knowing that I can’t force people to be like me, BUT at the same time, if someone is NOT a planner at all, they need to also compromise and meet me in the middle somewhere. They can’t expect me to just forgo all of my plannerness (yes that’s a word!) and be like them. They need to meet me half way. So I just texted him and ended things. I finally got the closure that I wanted. Yeah for me!! Now I can move on knowing that he really is a dumb guy. Glad I gave him another chance to prove that.

Night ya’ll. Until the next bad date….

So I guess I'm starting a Blog!!

So I threw out the idea to a few people about starting a dating blog. One where I could share all of my terrible (but mostly funny) dating experiences. I mostly talked about it as a joke, but the more I joked about it the more awesome the idea sounded. Well, I had an experience this weekend that I just HAD to blog about. So I guess I’m starting a blog about how dumb guys are!! Haha, just kidding. But really, I’m not kidding. Dating is so lame and I’m sure there are a ton of guys out there that could also tell horror stories about girls they have dated, so I know it goes both ways, but these are going to be stories from my point of view…a girl. Who wonders all the time why she even bothers with dating when there are only LOSERS left!! All the good ones are taken my friends. Once you hit your 30’s you need to just become ok with the idea that you may be alone forever. Okay, I know some of you don’t know me but I tend to be a bit over-dramatic. So please don’t take me too serious. I know, I have plenty of time left, blah, blah, blah, but once you hear these stories I think you will begin to see how right I truly am about all of this.

Oh and as a side bar…I have dated a lot over the years and tell my friends about most of those dates. I always tend to give the guys I date nicknames that me and my friends use when we are talking about them. Especially when I go out with them more than once. I will be using those names in this blog instead of their real names. Happy hunting everyone.